Friday, March 20, 2009

Bastard Cactus!

Rule #1 of hiking:
Don't pull on a cactus when trying to break your fall!

This week, I went hiking for the 156th time (I made that number up, but it is somewhere around there) and every time I have gone hiking, I have always been able to avoid two things I hate: rattlesnakes and cacti. But this time, well, I wasn't able to avoid one of those two.

I have always been a naturally gracefu...ok, not graceful gal. And I should avoid mountains and hiking because of the big drop factor. But I guess I like to live on the edge.

My friend came to town from Illinois and I took her hiking. As we were coming down the mountain, my friend Meghan said, "don't go that way, you will fall". Saying those words to anyone is like inviting Murphy himself to recite his law. Not three seconds later, I fell, and not only did I fall, but I decided to use a prickly cactus as a handrail! BASTARD CACTUS! I looked down at my left hand and saw one needle sticking out of my left middle finger (how appropriate for this situation). There were also tons of little red holes staring back at me. I cussed my way through the next few steps down the mountain and then whined about it because whining makes everything better (so does wine).
Needless to say, I have been reminded of rule #1. And next time I go up that mountain, I just may have to take a saw with me and cut down the bastard cactus. See who laughs last cactus, see who laughs last!


  1. Which was worse... landing in the cactus, or seeing the rattlesnake on the last hike?

    I would rather run into a rattlesnake. -M

  2. Did you know that cactus spines can actually cause more damage upon removal than upon impalement because when they come into contact with the moisture in your skin they automatically expand, as they are a desert plant that has adapted to retain as much moisture as possible?

  3. Dude,
    Make sure you won't get arrested for chopping down the cactus. I wouldn't want your next blog to be about "Bastard Jumpsuits". That would really be, um, sad. By the way, here's something to laugh about: He emphatically said 'NO' to the candy thong. Not gonna happen. His face however, was classic.

  4. wow,it seems go hiking is an interesting thing.but i think it's awful to seize a prickly cactus , i can imagine how painful your hand is.